Before the Light Fades...

[Battousai]

I don’t quite know how to begin this.

Not because there’s nothing to say — quite the opposite.

There’s too much. Too many thoughts, too many memories tangled in silence.

How do you address those you once stood beside, blade in hand, without sounding like a ghost returning to a world that’s moved on?

 

I debated sending this for weeks. Months, even.

What could I say that wouldn’t feel like a stranger knocking on familiar doors?

But tonight, something shifted.

Call it the Force. Call it instinct.

Call it the quiet ache of unfinished stories.

 

We all have lives beyond the arena. Responsibilities. Struggles. Paths unseen.

And none of us truly knows how much life we still carry in our hands —

how many more duels remain,

how many more chances to say the things we always meant to.

Time is a quiet adversary. It never asks for a rematch.

 

It has been some time.

 

Too long, perhaps, since I last stood beside you in the halls, on the sparring mats, or deep within the chaos of duels where the clash of sabers was our only language.

 

I vanished without a word. No final duel, no last bow, no goodbye. And for that, I’m sorry.

 

The truth is, for the past months I have been walking a path darker than any I’ve ever faced in the Order. Not one of rage or betrayal… but of silence. Emptiness. A trial of the flesh, not of the Force.

 

I often thought of returning. Of igniting my saber once more. Of bowing to old rivals and friends, even if just for a round or two. But each time, I fell back into the shadows—unsure of what to say, unsure if it even mattered anymore.

 

But the Force nudged me tonight. And so here I am.

 

I do not know what fate awaits me now. My body has turned against me—a sickness, silent and merciless, has taken root: cancer.

 

I do not seek pity. Only your understanding.

 

And though my strength still returns to me slowly, I will be visiting the servers again —

perhaps quietly at first, perhaps only from the edge of the arena.

But I will keep coming back.

Again and again.

Until the Force itself calls me away.

 

And even then…

even when this body fails and the final breath escapes me,

may my spirit still linger —

reaching for the hilt,

longing for one more clash of sabers in the fading light.

 

If we cross blades once more,

know that I’m grateful —

for the duel, for the moment, for the memory.

 

May the Force be with you.

Always.

[Dace]

I'm sorry you have to go through this Battousai... I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I'm glad to see you are back and feeling well enough (mentally and physically) to join us in game again. We are all here for you if you need anything. Whether it be just some duels, to talk, vent, etc. You are a part of our family and always will be! I will have you in my thoughts and hope you can push through these hard times.

 

May the Force be with you, my friend. ❤️

[Helena Revan]

You already know your friends in this clan are with you 100%.  Please let us know whenever and however we can help.  As Dace said, we're a family and we'll always be.  ❤️

 

Helena

[^AcéS]

Take all the time in the world, focus on yourself and surround yourself by the love of your family and close ones. When you feel like you have the energies to come back, then we'll be here waiting for you, man. And if you need anything, we'll be here for you bro. Do take care out there. Be safe and hope all this becomes reversible. 

[koRn]

not what i was expecting when i read this thread, it just got HEAVY

 

take it from me, however this turns out you are going to want to get some quality time with the friends and family at this point

 

also you can basically do whatever you want on the server now because nobody can ban you without looking like an asshole so you still have a lot going for you

 

[Dragon]

don't tempt him

anyways, yea, ehm.. what can i say man. if ya catch me online and want some distraction or i dunno, lemme know alright. don't be afraid to ask I guess..

i'd say best of luck and hope things work out well if that makes a difference..  anyways, awkward comments aside. we're all here for ya is what we're saying. so yea. 

[IronSkull86]

I can't even imagine what you are currently going through and I am so sorry that you are going through this. If you need anything at all from us, all you have to do is ask.

 

As Dace said, you are part of our family and always will be!

 

Once a JAWA, always a JAWA!!!

[fente]

Hey Battousai, I dont think we have met yet, but it would be a pleasure to share some time on Tattoine with you. I wish you all the strenght needed for the upcoming time.

 

Besides the dark message hidden in your post, I would recommend becoming a writer. Your text is powerful and your linguistic sharper than a light blade.

Edited April 8 by fente

[SephFF]

18 hours ago, koRn said:

 

 

also you can basically do whatever you want on the server now because nobody can ban you without looking like an asshole so you still have a lot going for you.

 

 

hmmmm so ur saying... I could use @Battousai to direct me in ways to troll the server and get away with it scot-free?!!!


Also FUCK cancer, my wife has had multiple chunks cut out of her thanks to cancer. I'm beating a dead horse here but, keeping a positive mindset, and healthy doctor recommended diet/exercise is a must. Also getting on the server and beating up Helena is like the best way to up ones mood. Always feel free to PM me if you want me to EZ you tho.

[Sovereign]

a wise man once said, "Perhaps the distant part of the sky always seems clearest, so that we will always strive to reach it."

You are a good person and it has always been an honor to share the arena with you, whether it's for a brief chat or crossing sabers. I will pray and hope for the best outcomes in your life, I hope to see you again soon